Inspirational quotes and sayings from my journey of escaping control

A list of inspirational quotes and sayings that resonate with me and my journey. In particular, these are words that I found helpful as I learnt to recognise and subsequently escape narcissistic control. 

There's more than one of these that I shed a tear over when I first read/heard them... mainly because they showed me that some of what I went through was indeed trauma. And that the trauma reactions I unknowingly developed as a response, were in fact quite normal. 

"7 signs your emotions were neglected as a child:

1. Tendency to bury your own emotions
2. Don't ask for help
3. Judge yourself harshly
4. You feel guilt & shame about your needs
5. You strive for perfection
6. Extra sensitive to rejection
7. Easily overwhelmed and discouraged" ~ @consciousparentinghub

If you're hypersensitive to other peoples moods and always thinking you've done something wrong, it's because you had a parent that always had unpredictable moods and you had to learn to be careful not to trigger them.

"The root of perfectionism is the desire to be accepted. The cure is learning you don't have to be perfect to be valued, recognized, and loved" 

Not speaking up on things just to "keep the peace" is a trauma response - When you do this you are disrespecting YOUR boundaries. 

"Speak your truth. There is no greater sadness than holding onto the words you never had the courage to speak." ~ Kusuma

Spending a life hiding and keeping quiet for fear that your ideas and opinions will be rejected is no way to live. Rejection only happens to those who are out there, expressing their ideas and opinions. You could say that rejection is a sign of bravery and a will to live your life your way, uncontrolled by fear and others.

"I'm always going to be brave enough to be alone... so that I choose people to be in my life because I want them... not because I needs them" ~ The Ravenwolf

"Every emotion exists for a specific purpose... let your emotions and feelings guide you: 

• ANGER teaches you where you want justice. 
• ANXIETY teaches you where you need to ground in the present. 
• FEAR shows your biggest opportunity for growth. 
• SHAME teaches you what parts of you need acceptance. 
• SADNESS teaches you how to let go. 
• RESENTMENT shows you where you lack boundaries." ~ @carolinemiddelsdorf

"If someone's actions do not even try to follow their words, that means their words mean nothing, they are merely a manipulation." ~   @theselflovemethod

"my childhood traumas didn't make me stronger, they made me a people pleaser, they made it impossible for me to give up on people, they made me exhaustingly empathetic, they made me constantly have the urge to take responsibility for everybody's problems even if I didn't cause them, and they made me only be able to feel extremes.." ~ @markyhollett32

"Sometimes when a good woman has been through so much hell in a relationship, she just goes numb that she can't even feel the love she has for herself is she even has any left." ~ @selflove_speaker

"She lost herself to people that didn't even deserve an ounce of her love. Now she's investing all that love into herself, putting herself first and putting those people in the past where they belong" ~  @selflove_speaker

"Overthinking can be a sign of people pleasing. If you're always overthinking about whether you're too boring, too annoying, or whether you are not good enough, it's because you care too much about pleasing the other person." ~ @homeofamare

Perfectionism is a response often adopted by victims of prolonged trauma to help avoid or minimise shame, judgement, blame, criticism and punishment.

"When you are a child and you have intense emotions that aren't empathetically witnessed, the association that your brain makes is that those feeling are a threat to your survival and you shouldn't feel them... you never learned to cope with those feelings and so when they are triggered you reach for the addictions for self soothing." ~ @theselflovemethod

"Pain travels through families, until someone is ready to feel it" ~ Stephi Wagner

"Ironically, when we start to get better, we also start to get sad - because we realise how much we've missed out on, how badly certain people failed us, and what the younger version of us actually deserved. Healing involves healthy grieving. No way around it." ~ Unknown

"Thinking about how harmful invalidation is... because when you are consistently told that what you are thinking, feeling, and experiencing is WRONG. You are also being told that you - as a human being - is also wrong. This is how you lose your sense of self and end up adopting coping mechanisms like people pleasing, co-dependency, and approval seeking." ~ @doodledwellness

"I don't know who needs to hear this, but hyper-independence is the result of trauma. 'I don't need anybody and must do everything myself' really means, 'My ability to trust has been injured by people systematically letting me down and failing me.' You do need people. We all do" ~ @kate_kelly_esq

"knowing your worth will only piss off the people who never planned on valuing you in the first place." @selflove_speaker

 

You can't change someone who does not see an issue with their actions... You can only change how you react to them. 

"I trusted you, but now your words mean nothing to me... because your actions spoke the truth." ~ Anonymous

"5 thing we think are nice that are people-pleasing behaviours:

1. Not speaking up when someone hurt your feelings
2. Allowing someone back into your life even though they haven't changed
3. Anticipating what other people need
4. Apologizing even though you've done nothing wrong
5. Making other people your responsibility" ~ @fittingrightin

I no longer need hardcore proof to validate what my intuition tells me. If something feels off about a person/place/thing, it's because something IS OFF. Don't stick around to discover what it is, your time and energy are way too valuable. 

"Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen." ~ Brene Brown

We don't walk away to teach people a lesson... We walk away because we finally learned ours.